I should like to begin by thanking the Language and Literature editor, Katie Wales, for going to some lengths to contact me and give me the opportunity to respond to the article by Mick Short et al., 'Stylistics, Criticism and Mythrepresentation Again: Squaring the Circle with Ray Mackay's Subjective Solution for All Problems' (Short et al., 1998), which itself refers to an earlier article of mine 'Mything the Point: A Critique of Objective Stylistics' (Mackay, 1996). 1 I felt a threefold reaction on reading their article. The first was to wonder why four such big names from the discipline of stylistics should write such an intemperate if not vituperative response to what I had written. Obviously I had touched a nerve, otherwise why should they spend so much time and collaborative effort (England, N. Ireland, California and Germany: did the emails just get angrier and angrier with each destination?) on an article which they believe to be 'not really new ' (Short et al., 1998: 40), 'seriously flawed' (p. 40), consisting of 'a series of scholastic quibbles' (p. 40), written by someone who 'can never be wrong [because] he can never be right either' (p. 46)? The second was a brief moment of self-satisfaction because if one is to be demonized, then it is flattering to have the excommunication and subsequent roasting conducted by such eminent academics, with another one (Ron Carter) there in spirit apparently (p. 49, note 5) but simply too busy to light his side of the bonfire. According to Short et al., I am the 'Bishop Berkeley of the linguistic world' (p. 48) (a description I cherish, given the sophistication of that philosopher's argumentation) and contributing to a tradition to which Fish and Lecercle, inter alia, have contributed (p. 40), with views 'representative of many current literary theorists' (p. 49). Reading this, I was reminded of that great piece of graffiti -'Yesterday I didn't know what a literary theorist was; now I are one.' My final feeling, however, was a mixture of anger and sadness that my views had been so misrepresented. I have framed my reply to Short et al. in four parts. The first two deal with things which they say I said while the third deals with something I said that they have not even mentioned. The fourth is a conclusion.1 Short et al. argue in their abstract that my article 'constitutes an attack on stylistic analysis in general' (p. 39) and that my critique 2 'fails a fundamental test of critiques' in that I do not 'even purport to put something better in place ' (p. 40) of what I criticize. This, I believe, is misrepresentation on a grand scale. Here is how