Accepting the Unacceptable: Religious Parents and Adult Gay and Lesbian Children

Abstract

The Torah (Five Books of Moses) prohibits men from lying down with other men, referring to such behavior as a toavah, an abomination, something that distances a person from holiness. Orthodox Christians against homosexual relationships cite not only the Torah, but the teachings of Jesus, who sourced heterosexual marriage as the prototypic relationship ideal established at Eden. More recently, Christian gay activists suggest that the biblical source for rejection of homosexual behavior is really based upon what happened at Sodom in the book of Genesis, where the residents of that city greeted visitors with rape, not food and water. Thus it was rape that was meant to be forbidden, not sexual love. Regardless of the biblical citation, religious fundamentalism has been shown to be a predictor of prejudice toward gays and lesbians (Altemeyer & Hunsberger, 1992;Herek, 1987; Laythe, Finkel, & Kilpatrick, 2001), putting parents at odds with their children on account of religious proscription.In a society becoming marginally more affirmative of differences, is family acceptance of homosexuality critical? Research findings indicate that parental support mitigates risk to individuals identifying as homosexual. Increased visibility has led to a rise in illegal, socially sanctioned, physical attacks on gays and lesbians (Comstock, 1991) and sexual minority persons are more vulnerable to psychological distress, high rates of alcoholism, drug abuse,

Understanding Parent Reactions to Coming Out as Lesbian, Gay, or Bisexual: A Theoretical Framework

“…For these parents, they appraise their child's LGB identity as nonthreatening because their child's sexual orientation does not change how they view themselves or their child. For example, one parent said, “I've known since he was a little boy—it never was, and still isn't a problem” (Freedman, , p. 240). Feelings of acceptance, love, admiration, and relief surrounding their child's disclosure constitute positive emotional responses (Freedman, ; Gonzalez et al, ; Goodrich, ; Gottlieb, ; Maslowe & Yarhouse, ; Wakeley & Tuason, ).…”

Causal Attributions and Parents’ Acceptance of Their Homosexual Sons

“…In addition, we explored which demographic variables, if any, predicted constructivist versus essentialist causal attributions. For example, findings from a previous qualitative study suggest that religious parents may be more likely to hold constructivist attributions (Freedman, 2008). …”

Heterosexual Parents of Gay and Lesbian Individuals: Social Interaction Issues

“…For instance, a mother in a research study described how her marriage deteriorated when her husband gave her an ultimatum to choose between him and the gay son. She chose the son, and the marriage ended (Freedman, 2008). …”