A qualitative analysis of on-again/off-again romantic relationships: “It’s up and down, all around”

Abstract

Although relational research predominantly conceptualizes romantic relationships as either together or apart, some relationships break up and renew (i.e., on-again/off-again relationships). Partners’ accounts of on-again/off-again relational experiences were qualitatively analyzed to explore both reasons for breakups and reasons for renewals. Themes were interpreted within an interdependence framework to explain why partners dissolved as well as renewed their relationships. The themes in combination suggest renewals occurred due to dissatisfying experiences with alternative relationship partners and an increase in outcomes (i.e., rewards minus costs) after breakups. Partners’ post-dissolution contact and their uncertainty about relational status may have further facilitated renewals. More generally, the themes suggest, for on-again/ off-again partners, breakups did not indicate the end of interdependence but rather a redefinition of the relationship.

A Dimensional Approach to Characterizing On-Again/Off-Again Romantic Relationships

“…A potential reason relationships become or remain on-off in nature is that partners do not perceive their alternatives as much higher in quality than their on-off partner (Dailey, Rossetto, et al, 2009;Dailey, Rossetto, et al, 2012). Some partners may wish to pursue their alternatives while maintaining their on-off relationship in some form.…”

“…In addition, on-off partners often struggle with the relational transitions (Dailey, Rossetto, et al, 2012). Many couples maintain contact after breakups (Dailey, Rossetto, Pfiester, & Surra, 2009), but some partners report difficulty in determining the appropriate quantity and quality of contact after breakups. Finally, resolve pertains to partners' decisiveness in redefining the relationship, or in other words, their commitment in maintaining the most recent transition.…”

“…On-off partners are often uncertain about the status of the relationship after transitions, particularly breakups (Dailey, Jin, Pfiester, & Beck, 2011;Dailey, Rossetto, et al, 2009, 2012, and this uncertainty increases with greater renewals ). Yet, greater uncertainty was linked with more commitment in on-off partners whose relationships were recently dissolved (i.e., in an "off" phase; Dailey et al, 2010).…”

“…Although on-off relationships tend to have lower relational quality as compared to relationships that do not break up and renew , several studies suggest some couples believe the on-off nature of their relationship is beneficial because the transitions allow an opportunity to change the relationship or start fresh (Dailey et al, 2013;Dailey, Rossetto, et al, 2009, 2012. Separately, lingering feelings or a continued attachment to the partner has also been a predominant reason for renewals (Dailey et al, 2011).…”

“…They also reported their alternatives as more attractive. Hence, as discussed within a social exchange framework by previous on-off research (Dailey, Middleton, et al, 2012;Dailey, Rossetto, et al, 2009), the current alternatives may not be so attractive as to warrant terminating the relationship, and partners may be waiting for a more attractive partner to materialize to fully dissolve the on-off relationship. Previous research suggests they may accomplish this by circumventing an explicit or permanent transition with strategies such as leaving the door open after breakups and viewing renewals as temporary or a trial (see Dailey, Rossetto, et al, 2012).…”