"A Place to Be Myself"

Abstract

Restrictions on boys’ capacities to process and to show emotion, however detrimental for their development, constitutes a key lesson of the masculinity curriculum learned in schools. To explore what schools can do to offer support for boys’ resistance to this curriculum, a series of studies has been conducted at a suburban independent school outside Philadelphia, PA. The present study uses a mixed-method design, including teachers, university-based researchers and students on the research team, to examine how boys’ participation in a peer counseling program influenced their sense of self and self-expression. A survey, focus groups, interviews, and observations supported the usefulness of the intervention for boys. The following qualitative themes emerged: (1) The constraining effect of the school’s masculinity culture on boys’ emotional development; (2) the value of a “safe space” in overcoming this culture and in promoting boys’ learning and connection; (3) boys’ ready development of new skills, especially in relation to emotional experiences, when invited to do so; (4) the deepening and broadening of boys’ friendships resulting from their self-disclosure and mutual support.

Resisting the Demand to Stand

“…From a very young age, boys are implicitly and explicitly taught to "man up," "keep their problems to themselves" (Levant 2005: 161), and not show vulnerable emotions or "express their feelings" (Adams and Coltrane 2005: 235). "Boys don't cry" (Vogel et al 2011), so the masculinity adage or "boyhood code" demands (Kokozos and Gross 2015: 130; see also Real 1998;Reichert et al 2012;Ward 2019;Way et al 2014). In fact, "by the time a boy enters school," Ronald Levant (2005: 161) explains, "he has learned to hide and feel ashamed of two important sets of emotions: those that express vulnerability in one way or another (fear, sadness, loneliness, hurt, shame, and disappointment) and those that express neediness, caring, or connection to others" (see also Chu et al 2009;Golden 2009).…”