We revisit from a modern bootstrap perspective the longstanding problem of solving QCD in the large N limit. We derive universal bounds on the effective field theory of massless pions by imposing the full set of positivity constraints that follow from 2 → 2 scattering. Some features of our exclusion plots have intriguing connections with hadronic phenomenology. The exclusion boundary exhibits a sharp kink, raising the tantalizing scenario that large N QCD may sit at this kink. We critically examine this possibility, developing in the process a partial analytic understanding of the geometry of the bounds.