The "Mutual Respect" Approach to Child Guidance

Abstract

How often have you heard of a pediatrie psychiatrist who (1) admitted that most of his patients could be handled by men of lesser training, (2) told you in plain language how he does it, and (3) shows you how successful his approach has been? This one does all three.

An umbrella review of a decade of meta-analyses examining the correlates of multidimensional perfectionism.

“…Additional insight into the effects observed so far is offered in the form of the overall, total, or combined effects of perfectionistic strivings and perfectionistic concerns. The pattern of these effects closely matches historical accounts of perfectionism (e.g., Burns, 1980; Hollender, 1965; Missildine, 1963). The relationship between perfectionism and obsessive achievement behaviours is evident, for example, in the form of workaholism and, to a lesser degree, performance in some domains.…”

“…This worldview was thought to lead to unrealistic demands on oneself and others and obsessive behaviours geared towards obtaining perfection and avoiding imperfection. Descriptions of perfectionists as the “painstaking worker” (Hollender, 1965, p. 94), “successful failure” (Missildine, 1963, p. 76), and those who “strain compulsively towards impossible goals” (Burns, 1980, p. 34) help encapsulate the tortuous existence of these individuals for whom success is pursued as an act of reparation for a sense of inadequacy. Some 60 years later, the need to make amends for a deep-rooted sense of self-deficiency remains central to defining and understanding perfectionism (Flett & Hewitt, 2024).…”

Approaches to Child Rearing

“…Thus 30 Flanders reports similar results in helping teachers modify their classroom teaching behavior, and Schein and Bennis report on the use of &dquo;T&dquo; groups to help adults modify various social behaviors .14, 29 Finally, Brim, Missildine, and Ullman and Krasner report similar results in helping parents modify their child-rearing behavior.7> 25,32 At the individual level, the common denominator of all these approaches appears to be helping the individual identify his frequently-occurring behaviors that set the general tone of the relationship in question, and helping him become aware of the typical situations that call these behaviors forth. We have developed this emphasis on modifying behavior rather than basic personality after reading a number of reports describing at least partial success in helping adults change aspects of their behavior in various non-psychiatric settings.…”

“…For purposes of illustration we looked through our files and pulled out 25 examples of vicious-circle relationships encountered over the past four years. Each of these examples conformed with at least three of the following criteria: 1.…”

Young people’s perceptions of their parents’ expectations and criticism are increasing over time: Implications for perfectionism.

“…The role of parents in the development of perfectionism has a long history (e.g., Hollender, 1965; Horney, 1950; Missildine, 1963). Recent perspectives draw from attachment theory and describe the development of perfectionism in terms of parent–child “asynchrony” (Hewitt et al, 2017).…”