Parenting as Relationship: A Framework for Assessment and Practice

Abstract

Parenting tends to be framed as a set of actions directed toward the child rather than as a relationship. This article helps therapists, parent-educators, and researchers conceptualize parenting as a socioculturally embedded relationship. The authors apply the relational orientations typology (Silverstein, Bass, Tuttle, Knudson-Martin, & Huenergardt, 2006) to parent-child relationships. The typology addresses two dimensions: whether the focus is on the child's meeting parental expectations or on expectations of mutuality and whether power between parent and child is expected to be symmetrical or asymmetrical. Four relational orientations are described: (1) rule directed, (2) position directed, (3) independence directed, and (4) relationship directed. These relational orientations describe the nature of the reciprocal relationship between parent and child and offer a framework from which to address parenting issues. A case illustration shows how the relational orientations framework helps therapists incorporate a larger systems/relational perspective into what was originally framed primarily as a child behavior problem.

Why Power Matters: Creating a Foundation of Mutual Support in Couple Relationships

“…They demonstrate what Fishbane () calls “relational empowerment,” utilizing relational skills such as empathy, respect, and generosity to share power and support the well‐being of each other and the relationship. They are also likely to apply these skills to create a more relational approach to parenting (Tuttle, Knudson‐Martin, & Kim, ).…”

Toward Relationship‐Directed Parenting: An Example of North American Born Second‐Generation Korean‐American Mothers and their Partners

“…We use a social constructionist framework (Berger & Luckmann, ; Gergen, ) to consider how North American born second‐generation Korean‐American mothers and their partners approach parent–child relationships. To guide our conceptualization, we draw on a heuristic typology of parent–child relational orientations (TP‐CRO) (Tuttle et al., ). Location within this typology is a response to societal norms and expectations that suggest how parents and children should relate.…”

“…Parent–child relationships can take on many different forms and are related to the lived experiences, parental attitudes, and social norms that form the cultural context of parenting (Lamb & Lewis, ). Some parenting approaches emphasize the importance of relational connection between parents and children and thus seek to de‐emphasize the parent–child hierarchy (e.g., Hughes, ; Siegel & Hartzell, ; Tuttle, Knudson‐Martin, & Kim, ). This contrasts with models of hierarchical relationships between parents and children (i.e., Faber, ; Stone Fish, ).…”

Attachment in Adult Relationships: A Feminist Perspective

“…Attachment theory posits that the responsiveness of a security‐providing person to one's needs is at the core of emotional health and well‐being and that these needs continue throughout the life span (Dinero, Conger, Shaver, Widman, & Larsen‐Rife, 2008; Shaver & Mikulincer, 2012). Adults thrive in the presence of a sensitive, available, and caring partner, yet gender shapes both skills and expectations regarding whose needs are important and who should respond to them and how (Knudson‐Martin & Huenergardt, 2010; Tuttle, Knudson‐Martin, & Kim, 2012). Although attachment theory privileges the ways of relating that have historically been considered feminine (Vatcher & Bogo, 2001), in the day‐to‐day life of most heterosexual couples, women are expected to be the glue that holds adult relationships together (Mahoney & Knudson‐Martin, 2009), just as women are still expected to automatically attend to the needs of children (Cowdery & Knudson‐Martin, 2005).…”